Listening to My Penis - Jon Lajoie

I have to stop listening to my penis
Listening to my penis
I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis

I should be studying and I'm working hard
My future depends on this bizarre?
Why am I standing in this noisy club
Where people i hate what the fuck
It doesn't make sense, I hate this place
12 dollar drinks and a shitty DJ

Obnoxious douchebags and easy girls
Oh yeah, that's why I'm here, the easy girls
I can't believe that it has come to this
Do all this just to come is ridiculous

I know I sound sexist, but I'm a feminist
But the problem my dick is a Nelligan
When it comes to arguments, he always wins
Rationality can not compete with orgasms

I lost my train of thought, this girl's so hot
Oh here I go again, I have to stop

Listening to my penis
Listening to my penis
I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis

I hate this girl, why am I talking to her?
She's a horrible person but my mind's a blur
She's wearing a skirt and a push-up bra
God damn her and that push-up bra

My mind keeps telling me to walk away
"Jon, just go home and masturbate
Don't waste your money and your time
with this really ditzy girl
that you don't even like"
But my dick is like "Hey! I'm here to stay!
You're gonna do as I say! First get her drunk
It will be easier. And if she wants to dance
Then fucking dance with her"

But I hate this music and I hate dancing
And there's no way I can afford all these drinks
"Hey! Do what you have to do to get me inside!
You know very well you won't win this fight"

So five minutes later I'm on the dance floor
Dancing to Kesha and I hate that hoe
And I hate myself and I hate my cock
It's hard as a rock and I have to stop

Listening to my penis
Listening to my penis
I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis
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Stumble out of the bar, it's 2 in the morning
Dead on the inside but still horny
So I try to get this girl back to her place
But she says she's hungry so I have to wait

Now I'm in a diner, it's almost 3
She's talking about her captive reality tv
I really should just go home and get some sleep
but the goddamn cleavage is staring right at me
And I just wanna spend a little time in there
which reminds me of a quote by Voltaire
Anything too stupid to spoken is sung
And I have been singing a lot since I have begun

Listening to my penis
Listening to my penis
I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis

So I'm back at her place 4 AM, finally play time begins
All my hard work is about to pay off
But all of a sudden there is a knock on her door
She starts to freak out
She tells me she thought her boyfriend was out of town

He kicks the door down, I jump out the window
I didn't even have the time to grab my clothes
So I'm running like a motherfucker down the street
Fully erect and still horny

I finally give in, this has to stop
So I hide in some bushes and I start to jerk off
I'm almost done when I see flashing lights
A squad car just appears out of the night

I try to run and that's when I cum
Surrounded by cops at the break of dawn
See, this is what happens when you listen to your dick
You become an irrational insane prick

Now I'm sitting the cell, ashamed and naked
How the fuck am I gonna explain this to my wife and kid?

Listening to my penis
Listening to my penis
I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis